There are certain things that no one told you about when you turned 18 and could order a pint at the local pub. You were probably loud, and a bit obnoxious trying to fit in. Especially when you drank too much and your body ‘ejected’ your liquid lunch onto a pool table. No one ever called that person a gentleman, a sir, a real man.
Here are some simple guidelines to drink like a real man.
Pick an appropriate drink for the venue
If you’re going to a dive-bar, then ordering a cocktail is just going to make you stand out. Find out what they are great at, and go for that – why get something mediocre that you know, when you can find something much better and potentially learn something in the process?
For more upscale drinking holes, you can order a classic Martini, Manhattan, or Old Fashioned. It will distinguish from the herd as someone that knows the classics, and appreciates heritage.
Know what alcohol you want it made with, and if you want ice or not
It’s busy as hell behind that bar, so know exactly what you want, and how you want it. If you’re not sure how you like it, do some research before hand, and try them out. You never heard James Bond asking what’s in his drink, and what’s the difference between it getting shaken or stirred, now have you?
Have your payment ready
Again, the person behind the bar could literally be juggling a few things at once, and waiting for you to dig coins out of your lumo velcro wallet from 1993 is not going to leave a good impression. Have the money/card in hand, ready to pay.
Tip well the first time
This lets them know you appreciate what they do, and they will do their best to be further appreciated by you next time, and the next time, and the next time… Thank Pavlov in your prayers for this.
Learn the bartender’s name
Especially if you’re going to be visiting the establishment in the future. Couple this with being a good tipper, and soon you probably won’t even have to tell them your order when you come in.
Don’t be a douche
This sounds obvious, but most people forget that the few planks separating you and the staff aren’t magical, and the separation doesn’t somehow elevate you to demi-god status. They are people like you. Be polite, and use those two little words your mama drummed into you as an infant. Also, don’t shout, whistle, clap, or tap your glass on the counter to get their attention. They know you’re there, and they will get to you when they can.
Be your own man and know your limits
If your friends are encouraging you to get rat-faced drunk, it’s because if you do you’re giving them social approval to do the same. It’s not about you, it’s about them. Be your own man, if you’re happy sipping one drink the whole night, that’s your choice. Always make your own choices and know when other people are trying to make them for you.
Never drink and drive
You knew what you were getting into before you left home. Plan accordingly. Everyone thinks they’re great drivers, and even more so when they’re drunk. Accidents happen at the best of sober times. If you knowingly endanger someone’s life just to get your buzz on, then you deserve to be passed around the prison block like an Indian peace pipe.
To be the man at the bar everyone wants to emulate, all you have to do is be calm, generous, and generally good to those around you, and know yourself well enough to stick within your limits. Be that man.
[Originally written for Mantist]